Moth Recap

I told my story last night. It went well enough but really left me dysregulated. I’m still processing this morning and trying to get my head back on straight.

The Moth

Tomorrow night, I have a ticket to a Moth StorySLAM. I’ve listened to the Moth for years on NPR and only recently discovered that it happens pretty regularly in Portland. This will be the second one I’m going to. The theme is Scandal and it seems I have a wealth of experience to draw on. […]

Why I Use

I’ve learned a lot about drugs and addiction over the last several years. 12 step programs will tell you that this knowledge will not keep you clean and, by their standard, they’ve been correct (at least for me). When I started using, if asked why I was doing it, I imagine I would have said […]


I blocked N on my phone about a month ago because every single fucking time we text, I get very dysregulated. Unfortunately, the SMS widget on my computer doesn’t know I blocked it. So, this morning I woke up to and unexpected text and engaged. We actually had what was probably the longest conversation since […]

Bit of a Crying Spell Just Now

I’m stoned at the moment. Sometimes, I’ll have (what I think are) important thoughts or emotions… but I never write them down and ultimately forget them. Not this time. Worst casing it, I go back later and delete it. Anyway… I was feeling good but something flipped in me and I started getting on myself […]

One Year Ago (TW – photo)

I just came across this photo. It was taken October 7th of last year. At the time, I was a little over halfway through my time in Utah with my family and eagerly exploring the dark web markets I had just unearthed. To those unfamiliar, the marks on my arm near my elbow are track […]

ED Side Note

It seems my anorexia has snuck back up on me. In retrospect, it began well before the conversation 10 days ago that opened me up to using certain substances in addition to kratom, though I do think the drug use since then is exacerbating it somewhat. Most of my use of weed over this time […]