Fear (TW – Drugs)

Another marker of BPD is finding fear, well, everywhere. I know I go through life scared of just about everything I could be scared of. I always think I’m about to be fired. A delayed response to a text means I’m now despised by my BFF. There are no emotionally neutral faces… only angry ones. […]

Too Much Love

One of the hallmarks of borderline personality disorder is experiencing incredibly intense emotions and having to wait a long time for those emotions to dissipate. Most of the time, those emotions are what you would expect them to be: anxiety, fear, depression, etc. For the last few days I’ve been suffering (yes, suffering) from an […]

Exposed, Nervous and Overwhelmed

My therapist and I decided it would be a good idea to pull out the emotion wheel and try to identify the emotions that have been pervading my life recently. It came up because I never dream but I have been lately a lot. And, yes, I know that everyone dreams so I guess I […]

Memoir as Therapy

Since I’ve been feeling better the last month or two, I’ve gone back to working on my book and have found myself capable of writing quite a bit. In the last 3 weeks, I’ve written about 30,000 words, bringing my total up to roughly 40,000, which I figure is about half of what the full […]

My Life is Getting Boring

I haven’t been writing here much lately for a couple of reasons, the most significant of which is that my life is much less interesting lately (in a good way). I’ve been on Suboxone for about a month now and, after an initial week or two of being a bit ill as I got used […]

Clean Blood

A week ago, I finally got tested for HIV and Hepatitis. That was the first time I had had that done since I went into rehab in July of 2017. I’m not sure why it took me so long to get that done. I certainly engaged in behaviors since that time that opened me up […]