Problems at Home

One of the stressors that has led to my recent struggles with substances has been difficulty with one of my roommates (B). He is generally a very good guy but he has had difficulty holding up his end of the bargain with respect to the living arrangements. This has been making my other roommate (A) […]

Reestablishing Renunciation

I had a bit of an epiphany last night/this morning. I knew this already, but it was driven home last night when I had the opportunity to use a little meth but was stopped by the person I was with. That realization is that putting any substance in my body makes me want to do […]

Slight Mania

I didn’t really notice it until yesterday but, in retrospect, I’ve been sleeping less for the last couple of months. Not a lot, mind you, but enough. The last two nights, I slept 4 and 5 hours, respectively. And, I’ve been feeling pretty good. So, I guess I’ve got a mild manic episode underway right […]

Rationalizing

I don’t know. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion. At the moment, kratom does seem to be helping me (particularly, with my heroin cravings). It’s relatively inexpensive (even less so, if I can find a powder that works as well as the VivaZen). It’s not negatively affecting me (again, at the moment). Or, maybe, I’m […]

Word Count

I was just poking around some of the stats WordPress accumulates for their blogs. Prior to this post, I’ve published 65131 words since the start of 2018. I thought… ‘Ok. Great… What the hell does that mean?’. So I googled how big books are, typically. It turns out the median word count for books on […]

Relapse (of Sorts)

My friend’s death last week hit me pretty hard. The next morning, still feeling very out of sorts, I mindlessly grabbed a bottle of something called VivaZen at the local gas station when I went to get cigarettes. Big mistake. I guess I noticed that it had kratom as one of its ingredients. I mean, […]

Go, Go, Go

I’m tired so this will be brief. It seems that, if I am constantly in motion (preferably helping others), that I generally feel decent and don’t want to use. Conversely, whenever I slow down, I am racked with negative self-talk and get to the point that I don’t see myself avoiding a relapse. On that […]