Not Better Yet

Since I was feeling so much better today, I decided to try to eat something. Big mistake. I didn’t eat tons, by any measure, but I did eat enough to be very uncomfortable. So, I went to vomit and, for the first time in a very long time, was unable to do so. I’ve probably […]

Drug Replacement Therapy

For those of you following my blog who also struggle with an opiate addiction, I just want you to know that drug replacement therapy is a godsend. I’ve been withdrawing for close to a week. I took my first doses of Buprenorphine (2x 4mg) a few hours ago and I feel an absolutely amazing sense […]

Day 0

And, so it begins… I’m at the doctor’s office. He just gave me 4mg of Buprenorphine after confirming that I am indeed in mild withdrawal (I’d hate to experience the severe form). After 45 minutes, we’ll talk and he’ll give me another 4mg. Then, wait another hour and, if need be, take a little more […]

I Hate Myself So Much

It causes me to constantly work on ways to destroy myself. How am I supposed to care for others when I can’t care for myself. I try to keep this self-loathing to myself, but it does occasionally spill out and hurt others. The world would be a better place without me.

I’ve Been Treating My Roommate Like Shit

I absolutely ruined her Thanksgiving. She doesn’t trust me with the dog (rightfully so, I might add). She read me the riot act today and threatened to tell my ex that I am a “raging drug addict”. Of course, in my mind, I’ve already accepted that that will come to pass, so I take threats […]

I Still Don’t Want to Eat

I ate a bit with my kids over the last couple days and put on a couple pounds (even though I would come home and immediately purge). I thought I might be hungry now (it’s noon) but, no. I’ve got my GrubHub app up. I could order something, even though I know I’ll just throw […]

I’m a Selfish Cunt

I am in withdrawal. I’m fucking miserable and I’m taking it out on those around me. I get so selfish. Then, I beat myself up and quickly proceed to become suicidal. I’m tired of being like this. I’m tired of being an awful person. I’m tired of inflicting myself on others. I’m just tired.