Eating is Hard

It shouldn’t be, but it is. I should be ravenous right now. I don’t want to eat. I really need to, though. I feel like I have two choices: eat nothing or binge and purge. Obviously, there is a third option. I can eat a reasonable amount of food and sit with whatever comfort comes with it. I just ordered some Chinese food which, in the past, has triggered the b/p response. I am going to try to eat just a little and keep it down. Worst casing it, I purge. Even if I do that, I usually don’t manage to do a complete purge (maybe more like 80%-90%), so at least I’ll get a little nutrition.

I saw my therapist tonight. She said she treats eating disorders as if they were addictions. I think that’s bullshit. She also thought using Suboxone to get off oxycodone was a bad idea (I’ve already had two different M.D.s tell me they think it’s an excellent idea). I’m seriously thinking about changing therapists.

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