Scared and Confused

My emotions are all over the map today. I feel very uncomfortable and am trying to put off taking my next oxycodone until noon. I am being turn apart by my BPD. I mean, I know I am mentally ill but, really, what the fuck.

I am flipping back and forth between the willful destruction of my body and desperately wanting to get better and it is rendering me incapable of getting anything meaningful done. I need my hit, so I can calm the fuck down and get some work done.

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