One of the (many) shitty things about borderline personality disorder is the black and white thinking and the catastrophic thinking that goes along with it.

Case in point was last night. The dog has had the runs for several days and last night she threw up. So, of to the vet we go.

It took the vet about 45 minutes to see her. During that time, I came to several conclusions:
– The dog had something seriously wrong that was going to cost thousands of dollars.
– I would make the call to have her put down.
– My roommate would be so angry with me that she would tell my ex about my drug use.
– My ex would prevent me from seeing my kids indefinitely.
– I would kick my roommate out of the apartment that night.

Isn’t that great? I was convinced that that was how the evening would go down. And that’s just one example of my perennially fucked up thinking.

The actual diagnosis: GI problem from changing food too quickly after leaving the shelter.
Final cost: $345

Someday, I’ll figure myself out.

2 thoughts on “Catastrophizing

  1. I do this all the time ( Also suffer from same disorder). I think either the best thing or worst thing. For an example of the ”best” thing is I would drive downtown and pass the really cute construcor workers and Whistle (Which I can’t) he would offer me lunch and a drink and id find princee charming..well lol that is so not the way it went instead I looked out the window at one of them and got honked at because the light was green and made myself go into panic attack.


  2. Last time my dog (and best friend) needed to go to the vet on a sunday night I ended up at the vet’s with a knife sticking on my arm, which I bandaged, with an arm drenched in caked blood, while screaming at the vet that he should help my dog first. In te end, the vet helped my dog, packed up my arm and I spent two hours at the hospital, most of it in the parking lot to comfort my dog.
    One thing’s clear: never a dull moment when you’re a borderliner.


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