This Sucks

Ok. Right now, I really don’t want to stop doing drugs. I took my second (and last) oxycodone of the day about a half hour ago and have been supplementing with coke for the last couple hours.

And I still feel like shit. And I’m probably going to run out of coke today. I could probably get some more, but I really would prefer to avoid that.

I just need to accept that I’m going to be miserable this weekend. Like, more miserable than I’ve ever been. Like, wanting to kill myself. I don’t even care about the coke. I want to go back to my regular dose of opiates. I go down to one pill a day tomorrow and I am really not looking forward to it.

I did pick up my buprenorphine and Suboxone prescriptions a little while ago. I have a habit of taking pills in my sleep, so I tied them up with a double knot in the CVS bag and pushed it to the bottom of my work bag and stuck that up high where it’s hard to get at. Hopefully, that will keep me from breaking into those before Monday.

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