Well, yesterday was quite a day. I think I must have been withdrawing a bit, because I took my Suboxone a couple hours ago and I finally feel ‘ok’. I still don’t want to eat, but at least the suicidal ideation has been dialed back.
I had my third appointment of the week with my doctor this morning. I’m switching from Suboxone to Zubsolv. I expect the effect it will have on me will essentially be the same as what the Suboxone is.
I think I scared my doctor a bit with my depression, because he seemed desperate to get me started on an antidepressant. I was just honest. I told him I hadn’t eaten since Monday, that I had no idea when I might eat next, and that I didn’t care if I died.
So, he prescribed me some Pristiq. That’s a new one for me. We’ll see how it goes.
I do feel better, now that I’ve had my Suboxone, but I still have no plans to eat and still am quite comfortable with the thought of dropping dead. It’s kinda weird. I am so fucked up, but it’s almost like it’s not really happening to me… like I’m watching it happen to someone else and thinking “Holy shit. That guy is fucking screwed up beyond belief and is going to die soon, if he doesn’t get himself sorted.”