Day 39

I’m a little scared.

The last several days have been very unpleasant, emotionally. With all the drugs I had in my system for the last year, this feeling has been kept at bay. I definitely recognize it though. Whenever I’ve felt like this in the past, it’s culminated in a suicide attempt a few months down the road.

I told my psychiatrist this two days ago. I honestly don’t know what he plans to do with this information. I don’t even know what I’m going to do about it. I do know what I should do. I just still have part of me that really wants to die. I’m tired and everything is once again becoming meaningless.

If it makes any sense, I want to want to live.

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