Day 48

I’m a bad person. I don’t deserve my wonderful kids, my amazing dog, my trusting friends. I have a great job. I really love what I do and get paid very well for doing it. I have so many really good things in my life.

So, why do I feel awful all the time? Why do I do all manner of bad things to myself? Why do I want to die? I feel like all these negative thoughts and feelings are my fault too. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

If I don’t start getting better soon, I’m scared I’m going to try to kill myself again. If I keep doing that, sooner or later, I’m going to be successful and I already feel guilty about the pain and suffering that will inflict on those closest to me.

I want to get better, but I’m having so much trouble and I blame myself for that also. I just don’t know anymore… about anything.

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