Relapse?

Well, I’m eight and a half months clean and sobriety is treating me well, but I’m still batshit crazy. My borderline personality is driving my roommate nuts and, after struggling with meals for months, I’ve finally given in and started restricting again.

It’s amazing how easy it is… like I never stopped. I almost immediately dropped down to one meal a day and I can’t wait to start losing weight. One problem: I threw away all my scales. So, I’m measuring by waist size (currently, 32) and thigh gap (currently, non-existent 😣).

I think I’m enormous. People tell me I look ‘healthy’, but I can grab huge chunks of fat on my stomach. It bulges out under my shirts. If I manage to come across a scale, I’ll hop on and see where I’m actually living.

It’s such a relief to allow myself to not eat again. I was having tremendous difficulty finding things I could eat. My diet, as a result, was atrocious. Having that stress gone is so nice.

Anyway, I guess I’m posting again. I suppose that means I’m definitely more insane than sane these days. Oh, well.

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