Rehab (12 July to 16 August 2017)

I don’t remember the last thing I wrote here. Basically, I couldn’t stop shooting dope and couldn’t start eating. I was rushed to Stuart, FL and a rehab that reportedly could handle eating disorders as well. I arrived feeling suicidal and the next day, I was kicked to a brand new psych ward a few minutes down the road.

I got to detox there, cold turkey, from two years of heroin, buprenorphine, and oxycodone. I spent the first 48 hours pacing the halls, sleepless and shaking, as that was the only way I could be sorta comfortable. It was at this time that I got into the habit of sleeping only about four hours a night… a habit I maintained the entire time I was in Florida. I was a to restrict pretty easily there and I lost about five pounds in the five days I was there.

From there, I went to Jensen Beach for residential treatment. I was only there for a little over two days, during which time I had a tech watching me 24/7. I only found out when I was surprised with the news that I’d be going to Orlando, that they had no ED treatment and the 1:1 was to dissuade me from purging (it didn’t).

I finally made it to Orlando, where I’d be for the next month, in a combination SA/ED unit. The rehab did a good job separating me from my DoC, but not so much from my ED. It was tricky to restrict but the way the unit was run I was able to switch to purging. I did have some very strong urges to use too. On the plus side, the purging paid off. When I got home, I was 3.4 pounds less than the day I left.

Things have gone south since I got home yesterday afternoon. I bought weed and have been stoned for the last day. Now, I’m planning on getting syringes tomorrow morning and dope in the afternoon… without a car. I guess I could take the bus and then walk several blocks. And after spending a day b/p’ing, I’m back to restricting tomorrow.

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