I am a bad person. I do horrible things. I lie. I cheat. I steal. I’m good at those things and, so, rarely get caught. I used to feel bad about doing those things, but I’ve stopped. It doesn’t really bother me any more. The only thing that concerns me now is getting caught. So, I play the odds. I’m a very logical person (outside of my mental illnesses, of course) and when I lie/cheat/steal, I make sure that I do so in a way that the victim either doesn’t notice, doesn’t think it was me or can’t pin it on me. Obviously, the first of those choices is the preferred way for things to go down and the last one, the least preferred.
Let’s talk about lying. I lie to everyone, and I mean everyone, in my life. Most of these are lies of omission but some are direct, in-your-face lies of commission. I’ve been doing it so long, I don’t know how to not do it. It’s like my default setting is dishonesty when it comes to interacting with others. The weird thing is, I look very honest and trustworthy. So, people believe me… all the time. It didn’t used to be a big deal; the lies were inconsequential and didn’t hurt anyone. Now, they are crafted intentionally to deceive and, 9 times out of 10, further my drug addiction.
As for stealing, it’s only something I recently picked up, but it’s pretty easy too. It’s been all pills so far, but would branch out if the opportunity arose. I’ve stolen a giant bottle of methocarbamol, a bottle of percocet and two more percocets on top of that. For the methocarbamol, I went all in and bet that it would be less noticeable to have the entire bottle disappear than to have the quantity slowly diminish. For the bottle of percocet, I left the bottle their and replaced the percocets with some nearly identical-looking vistaril. For the last two percs, I just swiped them from a bottle of 4. Of all the stuff I’ve taken, this is the highest risk one so far. I think that, should the opportunity arise, I’ll steal the last 2 and get rid of the bottle.
Of course, one grandaddy of fucked up things that I’m currently engaged in, is having 8(!) grams of hard drugs shipped to my father’s house:
- 5g – Heroin
- 1g – Cocaine
- 1g – Meth
- 1g – MDMA
At this point, I’m banking on the fact that I’ve never had my mail or packages inspected by anyone. That said, I’m still going to try to be the first one to the mailbox every day for the next week or so and have a lie in place for if things go wrong.
So, I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell. I hope to see you all there!