17 Days Clean(ish)

No, I haven’t had a drug relapse. I have purged three times today though. I’m going to need a second sober date for when I finally kick my fucking eating disorder. It’d be really nice if I can do that before it leads to me picking up heroin again. I ate too much in the last hour and really want to purge one more time, but I’m really going to try to hold off. Purging feels good at the time but makes me hate myself later.

Thursday is thanksgiving. I really want to fast all day tomorrow to get ready for it. Based on what I’ve been doing the last few days, this is not entirely unreasonable. I know I shouldn’t. I really do, but it’s very hard sometimes. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and if I land where I expect, I feel I’ll be highly motivated to restrict (unfortunately).

I don’t think I’ve mentioned my post-sober living plans just yet. I’ve got an update, but I think I should dedicate an entire entry to what’s going on instead of just randomly launching into the latest news…

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