My Best Friend isn’t Feeling Well…

I want to help N. I think I am, just by being there for her. Like me, she has a lot of shit to work through as well. I believe that she has been an anorexic junkie from time to time also. Anyway, given how she’s feeling I decided today was probably not the best […]

More on Being Borderline and My Bloody Best Friend

So, as my rational mind suspected last night, my reaction to what was N falling asleep was completely overblown.  I knew it was.  I knew it.  But I got (and get) so emotionally worked up that I just completely lose my shit.  Fuck BPD. But more about N.  We just had a fairly intense texting […]

More Borderline Shit

I feel like I totally alienated N by acting stupid on Snapchat. I haven’t heard back from her in at least 15 minutes and now I’m experiencing an intense fear of abandonment. (hopefully… probably, imagined). Fuck. Why do I do this? Why am I such a fuck up? I started being a wise ass… pretending […]

Breathing Room and My Bloody Best Friend

Monte Nido has granted me some breathing room. It turns out they initially gave me the wrong schedule. The IOP isn’t quite as intensive as I was originally led to believe. Instead of 7 days/week, it’s actually only 5. That makes a huge difference in me being able to meet my professional obligations. The changed […]

Polyamory

I’m married.  And I date other people.  So does my wife. I’m in sober living right now (which is exactly where I need to be), but this is, by definition, only temporary.  I’ve started thinking about what my living situation will look like when I get a place of ‘my own’ (I’ll definitely be living […]

Borderline Shit

Fuck.  So, I called and left a voice mail with a close friend last night and texted her this morning about an hour ago and… crickets. One of the big symptoms of borderline (from the DSM): Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether the abandonment is real or imagined. Now, I’ve gotten better about this.  I […]

My Sixth Tattoo

I was reviewing old posts and noticed that I referenced a 6th tattoo that I had not yet gotten.  Well, I got it now.  It’s a phoenix and represents being reborn from the addicted, eating disordered life that I’m trying so hard to leave behind…