Fuck. So, I called and left a voice mail with a close friend last night and texted her this morning about an hour ago and… crickets.
One of the big symptoms of borderline (from the DSM):
Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether the abandonment is real or imagined.
Now, I’ve gotten better about this. I used to flip out if I texted someone and didn’t get back anything within a minute or two (which is a very uncomfortable way to go through life). I’m mostly better about that now, but it still gets to me sometime, like it is right now. I desperately want to call her again and see what’s going on, but it’s still pretty early (7.22am) and I’m scared of coming off as some sort of needy freak. To make matters worse, I’m trying to work and I can’t fucking concentrate to do so right now.
Ugh. Stuff like this also tends to make me want to ‘split’ on the person; take them from being a bestie to someone I want nothing to do with. Fortunately, I can at least recognize this and use some DBT skills to combat it (check the facts). I’m quick to write people off, if I don’t.