More Borderline Shit

I feel like I totally alienated N by acting stupid on Snapchat. I haven’t heard back from her in at least 15 minutes and now I’m experiencing an intense fear of abandonment. (hopefully… probably, imagined).

Fuck.

Why do I do this? Why am I such a fuck up? I started being a wise ass… pretending to be becoming manic (maybe I am). Even so, it’s not funny. Why do I sometimes think my mental illness is something to joke about? Especially, to someone I care about and who cares about me. Being manic is not funny. Not sleeping to try too trigger mania is not cool. Joking about either thing is completely uncalled for. Now I have to live with being an asshole. It’s shit like this that makes me think I’ll someday relapse.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s