Relapse (again). FML.

I have heroin and will shortly have meth. I have been kicked out of Sober Living Oregon and the Boulevard treatment center for sitting on a rig filled with a quarter gram of meth at my sober house for two and a half weeks. The fact that I never used it certainly says something about […]

AA Meeting

I am currently at a meeting (topic is ‘acceptance’). I am fully in relapse mode at this point. I just haven’t picked up yet. It’s like I’ve been just waiting for a reason, any reason, to get high. I think I got that today, when my health insurance appeal was denied. I just don’t feel […]

Tired and Wanting to Use

I think I just need to vent a little bit. Please bear with me. Fuck. I don’t even know if I need to vent. I don’t know anything any more. Maybe I just need to go to bed. I’ve had a generally good day. I have, however, had a lot of stressors in the last […]

15. Qiān (Authenticity)

I just did an I Ching reading to see where I sit with respect to all the support I’ve been providing to various individuals. Pride generates enthusiasm and inspirational freedom, but humility keeps you focused on how you tread on the path so you don’t become disconnected from what is right for you. 15. Qiān […]

Return of E?

I woke up feeling a bit uneasy this morning… not too bad, but a little depressed.  My eating, while kinda all over the map, hasn’t been horrible, but I’m certainly not eating 3 meals/3 snacks each day.  I got tired yesterday afternoon and am still somewhat tired this morning.  I suppose it could be nutritionally […]

Recovery Work

In addition to working my own 12 step program, the main piece of service work I do, which motivates me to stay sober, is launching and running the Eating Disorders Anonymous meeting a the Alano Club in Portland.  It’s the first ever EDA meeting in all of Oregon and is starting to pick up steam.  […]