I’ve texted with, but haven’t seen nor spoken with N all day. This should not be a big deal but, with my shit, it is.
I’m trying to get down how I feel about this. And why. Even though I’ve been in therapy for close to a decade, it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve achieved a fair ability of being able to talk about my feelings… And I’m still not particularly good at it, though I’ll certainly give it a go.
In a nutshell, I feel sick. I feel completely abandoned. I feel despondent. I feel like throwing my hands in the air, saying “fuck it”, and cutting myself. I feel like shooting up. I feel just awful and want to do anything to make the feeling stop. Heroin would do nicely, even though I’m not going to do it.
Let’s take a look at the symptoms:
Ok. I was going to go into each of these, but N just texted and will be calling me shortly. I still have feeling of impending doom, but at least talk to her and, most likely, everything will be fine.