Tear in My Heart

I saw N today for the first time in a couple days. I was batshit crazy while I was around her (thanks, mania). She’s worried about me. I’m worried about her. It’s all sorts of fun.

Now that we’ve clarified that we’re planning on moving in together, my fear of abandonment has really been kicking in (thanks, BPD). I am constantly reading into any perceived negativity as a sign that she’s changed her mind. I know that’s stupid, I hope. I just can’t help myself. She struggles with BPD too. Maybe I should just come clean with her about this and see if she’s struggling with it too. She loves me. I think she’d understand.

She is a tear in my heart. Yet, even if something more were to happen, I wouldn’t want it to happen for at least 6-8 months. We both need to heal more first.

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