Testing the Waters

I decided to share a little tonight with F my plan to possibly go to NC and my belief that it’s better than being homeless in Portland (which seems to be the other option, if/when I relapse).

I imagine that’s the response most people would have. I’m tempted to tell N and R about this also, so as not to have a repeat of my last relapse, when I had to leave without saying goodbye. I think they would not take kindly to this possibility.

Really, I’m just giving myself an out, if I use again. My addict brain, unfortunately, has access to the full intellectual capabilities of my healthy brain. This means, it’s able to do things that, I think, enable me to use drugs more ‘successfully’ than your typical junkie/tweaker.

I’ve more to write, but I’m tired. So… tomorrow.

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