I just got off the phone with N. She was very rational and presented a good case for my sobriety… and now I want to shoot up. I swear, if I had enough money for a plane ticket (and my driver license, of course), I’d be getting loaded right now. I know that’s not the ‘right’ or ‘sober’ thing to say, but that’s honestly where I am at the moment.
I know going to North Carolina to live with E would be detrimental to my health in a variety of ways. Yet my drug addiction voice is so strong currently that it seems to be completely drowning out any rational thought on the subject.
I hate this. I am totally irrational right now. All I want to do is use. And not.