Torn

I just got off the phone with N.  She was very rational and presented a good case for my sobriety… and now I want to shoot up.  I swear, if I had enough money for a plane ticket (and my driver license, of course), I’d be getting loaded right now.  I know that’s not the ‘right’ or ‘sober’ thing to say, but that’s honestly where I am at the moment.

I know going to North Carolina to live with E would be detrimental to my health in a variety of ways.  Yet my drug addiction voice is so strong currently that it seems to be completely drowning out any rational thought on the subject.

I hate this.  I am totally irrational right now.  All I want to do is use.  And not.

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