I’m a big fan of games. I used to be very into PC games (Civilization, in particular). In the last few years, I’ve been very into board games. Not Monopoly or Risk, mind you, but the more advanced variety. My current GoC (game of choice) is Power Grid. I’m planning on picking up Photosynthesis next month, assuming I don’t relapse.

Anyway, my last post made me sort of realize I’m viewing my using, to a certain extent, as a game. A sick and dangerous game, but a game nonetheless. The games I play are basically optimization problems, much like I described my figuring out how to use is. To be honest, it’s almost as much fun figuring out the ‘solution’ as it is to actually use (well, maybe not that fun).

The problem I posed in the previous post is a sort of micro game. It’s set in the larger game where I battle to keep my life from completely falling apart while trying to get high as much as possible (optimization problem!). And, I suppose, that game is a major component in the game of life.

That really is part of what makes me want relapse. I want to try to win this essentially unwinnable game. I’ve played the game a few times now. I haven’t won yet. I quit the last game before it really got going. I’m a quick study, though. Maybe, next time?

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