Wait… I Still Have That ‘Bulimia’ Thing?

I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to not relapse (or planning my relapse, depending on which posts you read), that the fact that I’m still struggling with an eating disorder has gone by the wayside.  The last 12-24 hours have seen some pretty good positive movement, in terms of my relapse prevention.  How does my mind respond?  It sends me running to the bathroom to throw up the huevos rancheros and cheesecake I just had delivered from the Cheesecake Factory.  That’s $28, figuratively, flushed down the toilet.

Here I was thinking, “I don’t need no stinkin’ eating disorder IOP” then, wham!  I’m brought back to reality in a manner that really leaves no room for rationalization about what just happened.  Just like, when I started shooting heroin, I couldn’t really lie to myself about being a drug addict.  So, when I’m bent over a toilet, emptying my guts, the fact that I have a fairly serious eating disorder as well is not really disputable.

On the whole, however, I’ll gladly take purging over relapsing on drugs.  Given where I’ve been the last couple of weeks, I consider this an improvement…

2 thoughts on “Wait… I Still Have That ‘Bulimia’ Thing?

    1. Thanks. Yeah, I’ll get back in to my ED IOP once I can get my insurance situation sorted and try to get that under control. That’s why I’m trying to do ED and substance abuse treatment at the same time. If I don’t, I’ll just flip to whatever one isn’t being dealt with at the time. And I’ll definitely take my eating disorder over shooting up (for the time being) as it’s not going to fuck me up any where near as quickly.

      Liked by 1 person

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