I woke up feeling a bit uneasy this morning… not too bad, but a little depressed. My eating, while kinda all over the map, hasn’t been horrible, but I’m certainly not eating 3 meals/3 snacks each day. I got tired yesterday afternoon and am still somewhat tired this morning. I suppose it could be nutritionally related, but my head is so screwy right now, I don’t think there is any way for me to be absolutely sure.
The more significant news is that I had a text waiting for me from E. She is the person I relapsed with back at the beginning of January. She is inquiring about the possibility of returning to Portland. I want to help, if I can. If she were to come back, she would absolutely have to go back into treatment. Obviously, the treatment center may not want her back. I’d have to talk to them, if she is really serious about this. I’d also need to put some boundaries up to prevent her from taking me out with her (and vice versa… our relapse really was a mutual thing, with neither person particularly more responsible for causing the other person to relapse).
This is just one more serious stressor in a time (early recovery) when I’m doing my best to not relapse myself. I’m providing significant emotional support to multiple people right now and it is wearing me the fuck down. In addition to this thing with E, I’m trying to be there for another woman in early recovery who is struggling with significant issues, over and above her addiction. Plus, for the second time in as many months, one of my close friends from my summer rehab/ED treatment rang me up for support immediately following being raped.
I guess it’s good that these women feel comfortable enough with me to discuss something as traumatic as rape, but it does wear on me quite a bit. I mean, I’m pretty far removed from having any training in handling that sort of thing but, if they have no one else they feel comfortable talking to, I’d rather they call me than sit in what must be one of the worst feelings in the world by themselves. And I was better equipped to handle it this time, having provided the same sort of support not that long ago.