For me and, it seems, for many others, substance abuse and eating disorders go hand in hand. For me, they arrive in two different combinations.
The first combination is when urges to use drugs flare while my eating disorder is brought in check. The reverse will often happen too. As long as my mind has some way to fuck with my body, it seems content. Sometimes, it’ll throw in some self-harm too, if it can’t engage in either of the previous two dysfunctions.
The second, and more insidious of the two, combinations is when the disorders feed off each other. That’s what’s been happening to me the last few days. Combining meth with anorexia is a fantastic way to lose weight and an absolutely horrendous thing to do to your body.
I knew, before I relapsed a couple nights ago, that using meth would exacerbate the trending anorexia that was starting up again inside me. You see, meth makes you not hungry and anorexia makes you unable to eat. The anorexia makes you want to do meth so the restricting becomes super easy. The meth wants, well, more gives you the energy to get through the days when your starving yourself.
So, I did meth, more than I should’ve, actually from Wednesday night through Thursday morning. I had already only eaten half a salad at lunch on Wednesday. I didn’t eat again until around 5pm Friday afternoon, when I had my half bowl of soup.
The ‘meth diet’ is casually joked about in treatment centres, everywhere.
It works though. If you don’t mind dealing with a drug addiction and eating disorder after the fact. I’m now closer to my low weight from my anorexia in 2015 than I have been since I started recovering from that. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little pleased about that.