I’m scheduled to move into my new sober living house in a little over an hour. I’m stressed the fuck out. I’m fairly certain this is my last chance. If I fuck this up, there’s a very good chance I’ll end up dead.
Part of what my brain is currently obsessing over is the UA. Even though I haven’t used since Thursday, I packed a lot in, in my very brief run. I’m fairly certain I won’t be clean today, and they’ll retest me on Tuesday. Logic dictates I’ll be clean by then, but I’m paranoid that I won’t be and I’ll get kicked out. They’ll see the levels going down. I’m sure as hell not using again in the next two days (or, if I can work my recovery properly this time, ever again), but my brain just likes to fuck with me.
I’m doing my best to stay grounded, but it’s hard. It will be good to be back amongst sober minded individuals. I’m still very, very scared.