Out of Sorts

While meditating earlier today, focusing on feelings that are comfortable, uncomfortable, and neutral (and meeting those feelings compassionately), I realized that I’ve been hovering between mild and extreme discomfort for at least the last several weeks and, more likely, several months (or, maybe, even years).

Even two days ago, when I was in a generally good mood, and today, when things have been going fairly well, I always have a feeling of unease or dread at my core. It makes me feel that, no matter how good things my be going, some dark, evil part of me (I don’t judge others, but I will judge myself) is lying in wait for the earliest opportunity to suck me down into a hideous depression (or whatever clever way my mind has decided to make me suffer).

I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do about. I guess the fact that I’m recognizing this happening is at least a good start. I’ve kind of been restricting today, which probably isn’t helping things, but at least gives me a physical reason for feeling discomfort, rather than experiencing discomfort solely because my mind is just fucking with me.

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