Starving in Suburbia – A Mixed Blessing

My choice of entertainment tonight cut both ways. Initially, it made me realize that I absolutely had to eat, which I did.

A lot.

And puked.

A lot.

Because, as much as I hide it from everyone around me here in Portland, I am very active in my eating disorder right now and, it seems, my only choice is whether I want to starve myself (which is, more and more, looking like the preferable option) or spend my waking time running between the refrigerator and the toilet.

I really am done with purging. I’m obviously capable of restricting at the moment… an option not usually afforded me. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

I weigh plenty right now (173.2 lbs, this morning and, no doubt, more tomorrow after the b/p session I just went through). It would take several weeks (months?) before any weight loss might become noticeable. With any luck, I’ll have insurance again in the near future and be able to get into ED treatment at that time, because I do not anticipate this magically going away on its own at this point.

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