I don’t have a therapist. I don’t have a psychiatrist. I’m not in treatment anywhere. I’m estranged from the people I would have spoken with a month ago. I’m scared of alienating my mentor or the people I’ve become closer with in the last month.

Honestly, there is only one person I want to talk to right now and we’re still on non-speaking terms since my relapse and I think it’s still too early to attempt any reconciliation (if that’s even possible).

I really, really miss N. I really, really fucked up.

Dammit.