Recovery in the House

Every day at 3pm, in the Alano Club, in NW, there is an NA meeting called ‘Recovery in the House’. I just got here and the meeting starts in 15 minutes. Its a decent meeting and I’m always glad to attend but, every time I go to Alano these days, there’s always the thought in the back of my head that “maybe N will be here”.

I’m not really ready to see her and I suspect she feels similarly. I honestly don’t know what, if anything, we would say to each other, if we both actually showed up at the same meeting. There is a meeting that she’s required to be at, a week from this Saturday. Part of me wants to show up and part of me wants to avoid it like the plague. I’ll be addressing it with my mentor before making my decision.

It’s been almost two days since I’ve eaten anything. I went into a Fred Meyer on my way here, to pick up some Crystal Light and a diet Coke (0 calories). It wasn’t difficult to not get any food. My brain is bargaining with itself about when and what I might eat next. I’ve got a veggie wrap at home that I may or may not be allowed to eat later. My ED, ripping off and distorting 12 step principles, says that I can always “eat tomorrow”.

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