It seems as though I wake up every morning, disappointed I’m still alive. It takes me a long time to motivate myself to get out of bed and start my day.

My first stop, when I finally rise, is in the bathroom. I use the toilet and then hop on the scale. If the number is lower than the previous day, I’m ok. If it’s higher, I’m despondent and start devoting energy as to how to remedy that. For instance, this morning it was higher. I knew it would be. I allowed myself to be swayed to eat some last night. I purged, but I knew that I’d be higher, especially after the big drop I had yesterday. So, today, my response is a 0 calorie day. I’ve even cut the milk from my coffee. In fact, I’m just going to drink black coffee all day.

Then, I shower and get ready for work. I spend 30-60 minutes trying to figure out what the hell I need to do for work. I’m so disappointed in the quality of my work these days. It seems that I can’t get any traction with my work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m progressing, but I always feel like I can never do enough.

Actually, my mood just lifted a bit… there was an article on Morning Edition (NPR) about paying taxes on Bitcoin. Now, I’ve certainly purchased my fair share of Bitcoin (though I never sold any… all my Bitcoin went to buy drugs). It reminded me of one of my side projects that I’m working on (mining Monero). It’s slow going. I’m currently projected to collect 1 Monero (the minimum cash out amount) in about 5 years. Obviously, that is not really worth the effort. It has got me thinking about ways to speed that up (short of buying a mining rig, which would speed things up, but also involve a large capital outlay). I’ve got a plan which, as I’m not entirely sure where it falls, legally, I won’t go into right now. It’s more that I’m just trying to see if I can do it.

I guess stuff like that keeps me going a bit. I do wish I could spend my time on that project but, bills must be paid, so, work first.

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