I saw N tonight (at a meeting). She saw me. We didn’t speak.
I had already made up my mind that if she didn’t approach me, that I wouldn’t approach her. And that is exactly how things went down.
And I was ok with that. I’ve changed, hopefully for the better. As much as it would disappoint me to never speak with her again, I recognize that that may be just the way things will be. It won’t change what we had and if she needs the separation for her own well being, I want her to have it.
Impermanence. Driven home in a very real and potentially sucky way.
I plan on writing her some snail mail tomorrow, ostensibly to say goodbye, until (if ever) she wants to reconnect, and to offer an apology and a temporary living amends until time a proper amends can be made. Who knows? It’s quite possible she’ll bin it without even reading it and, again, that’s ok. I will always love her.