‘Wasted’ (and, No, I’m not Relapsing on Drugs or Alcohol)

‘Wasted’, by Marya Hornbacher, is my favorite ED memoir, hands down. Marya is my age, born almost exactly 6 months earlier than me and, despite taking a rather female-centric approach to her work, I still take solace in the strikingly similar thoughts and (self-destructive) feelings towards oneself that she lays down on the page.

It’s actually just shy of 3am right now. My stomach woke me up. I was very good and ate just a single dinner roll (100 calories), smothered in that lowest-of-calorie condiments, mustard. That’s plenty to get me through the rest of the night. I also did a quick weigh-in (166.2). It’ll be interesting to see how the roll affects my ‘official’ weigh-in, 4 hours from now.

I think I’m a bit manic at the moment. I’m highly motivated to optimize my Monero (cryptocurrency… similar to BitCoin) miner to pass the time, when I really should try to get some more sleep. For those unaware, anorexia can trigger mania and vice versa. I think this particular moment might be a ‘one off’, but it’ll take at least a few more days to know for sure.

I want to go grocery shopping tomorrow today. I’ve been slowly drifting towards ED-inspired groceries and I think I’m going to through in the towel: carrots, celery, more mustard, red wine vinager, maybe some HydroxyCut… anything that will curb my appeitite, allow me to consume, and keep my caloric intake to a minimum. At least anoretics save money on food.

Anyway, I am going to try to get a little more sleep. Good night.

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