Message from N

It wasn’t much, but I awoke to a text message from N this morning. For the record, after discussion with my J (RR mentor), I decided to hold off on sending the letter I wrote a little over a week ago. Anyway, she was just checking that my phone number hadn’t changed. I responded that I was still at my number, still sober and would like to initiate a conversation enough her, if she wanted to.

I sit back and wait now. I’ve been waiting so far, which has been a good thing, and waiting however much longer will only continue to be positive (I think). Or, maybe it’s not good. Who knows? I want it to be good, of course, but attaching to that could only bring more suffering. I suppose it’s possible that, and this would really suck, she wants to officially say ‘goodbye’. I’ve been mentally and emotionally going under the assumption that that was going to be the result of my ‘unskillful’ actions for a while now.

I miss her. I love her. I hope things work out, but I’m responsible for my actions and what will be, will be.

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