Feeling Better

I would up running (most of the way) to the Alano Club after lunch. It’s about 8.5 miles. I made it almost 6, basically to the Willamette River, and decided I didn’t want to do the last couple miles uphill. I’ll be honest, I do get a “runner’s high” but that’s generally considered to be healthy and socially acceptable. So, there…

I got to chair the Narcotics Anonymous meeting at 3pm. It helped. I got to talk about how addiction causes both ourselves and others to suffer and also set that as the topic for others to share on as well. This was obviously spurred on by my ongoing feelings of guilt and shame surrounding my relapse 7 weeks ago. It was nice to identify with others’ struggles and not feel so alone in my own. I also talked about sobbing through my loving kindness meditation earlier.

I did an AA meeting after that and am now on the bus to a Refuge Recovery meeting, to round out the day. If you’re keeping track, RR will be my seventh meeting in three days (woo hoo!).

So, yesterday was Dido. Today, I listened to Rent while I ran. With all the feelings I have going on right now, I find myself identifying with songs I’ve never identified before. The song that I glommed on to today was ‘Without You‘. I also realized that, although I’ve become eager to start a conversation in the last day or two, that feeling is probably not reciprocal, and I’m ok with that. Something like that will happen when and if it’s meant to happen.

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