I did an I Ching reading this morning. I wanted it to tell me, unequivocally, to go see N at the meeting she will be at tonight.
I know this is a bad idea, yet I am still struggling with the compulsion to go anyway. It’s quite similar to the urges I have to use drugs, when my addiction is active (and I know how those often turn out). That said, I think I’ll be able to resist this urge.
The reading was actually pretty positive. It just had some room for interpretation. That, coupled with my gut and some feedback from friends, is what is holding me back for now. I’ve been doing my best to stay unattached, but it is very hard right now. I really want to talk to her but, between this reading and the one earlier this week, I think we stand a good chance of reestablishing our relationship… If I continue to give her space and not rush things.
I miss her so much. Addiction sucks.