I wound up sharing all the crazy shit in my head with J. It was the right move. I’ve also gotten, somewhat, back to a place of peace that last week’s text from N took me out of. My favorite quote from J, regarding my desire to cook meth, was “You are not Walter White.” I could be WW. I certainly have the intellectual aptitude (and university level chemistry credits) to do it. I even have the whole process almost entirely memorized (I’ve considered doing that for some time). I won’t let that come to pass, though. It would be an extraordinarily poor decision.
I also have an onsite interview with a local Portland company. That’s on Thursday. Its nice going in, knowing I don’t ‘need’ it. I can be tattooed, nail-painting self (Keep Portland Weird!), though I am a little self-conscious about my self-harm scars. Its going to be warm enough to wear short sleeves, so I guess i need to come to grips with that. My wife wants me to not change jobs and I do acknowledge that I currently have a pretty good gig. I do, however, like the idea of going into an office. Plus, it would instantly resolve my health insurance debacle. I’m also concerned about my current job enabling my drug addiction. I mean, I’ve been relapsing since I started this job at the beginning of 2017 and I have proven that I can work my job in such a way as to allow me to get high, without getting sacked. I figure, I’ll put my best foot forward and, if I actually get an offer, I’ll figure out what to do then.