A Good Day, but Still Slightly Triggered

The interview went well. I was there from 9am until about 1.30pm, with a brief break for lunch. I usually enjoy interviews (maybe I just like talking about myself) and this one was no different.

Afterwards, I walked about 8 miles to hang out with a friend from school who lives in town. We went to dinner at a local restaurant (~600 calories) and spent the other four hours on his porch, chatting.

We did talk a little bit about my using. I was fine with this because I was already, and still am, a bit triggered. During the talk, I put together that the woman, A, that I helped with a computer coding project a month earlier, is the same woman, A, who is taking at least one course at school (some sort of chemistry), so she can learn to cook meth. Well, that piqued my interest.

Now, I want to reach out to her and share my own knowledge about how to cook. Don’t worry… I have no practical experience when it comes to the actual practice. My fucking addict brain is now thinking “ooh… potential running partner and someone who might be able to provide a place to cook/live at as well!” That is fucked up beyond words. Oh, and I had a strong urge to pop into the harm reduction place (which had supplied me with rigs for my last couple relapses), so I could shoot up some water.

Short of using actual drugs, that would probably be one of the worst things I could actually do, as it would almost definitely lead to a full relapse.

I didn’t get the rigs and I spoke to J about it. Staying clean is difficult.

And I just got hungry. I think I’m about 750-1000 calories, so I’m going to have a little snack.

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