I’m feeling better today than I have the last several days. I’m not 100% by any stretch of the imagination, but, better. And just in time for my audition in 2 hours. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here before so… a quick synopsis: it’s for a July performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (my favorite Shakespeare show). It’s been quite a while since I’ve done any Shakespeare (~25 years), but I’ve re-read the show and I think I’ll pretty quickly fall back into the blank verse.
No. The real challenge here, assuming I get a role of some sort, will be staying clean. That just seems to be the overarching ‘if’ for most of the commitments I’ve been making recently. This show will be another ‘external’ to help me stay clean. Don’t get me wrong… externals help but, unfortunately, they aren’t as powerful as the ‘internals’ that drive this sort of thing.
I have every reason to stay clean and no reason to use. It’s too bad addiction isn’t reasonable. In all honesty, in addition to taking things ‘one day at a time’, I’ve been trying to stick to a hard rule of not using as long as I’m in my sober living house. I do that with the hopes that, by the time I move out, I’ll be in a healthier place and much less likely to use, with the constraints of sober living, lifted. Actually, I’m fairly certain I will be in that ‘healthier place’. I suppose it’s just a matter of being ‘healthy enough’ to not succumb to the cravings to use when the thread of ending up homeless is no longer acting as my own, personal Sword of Damacles.
Back to the show. I saw a performance by the company I’m about to audition with Friday night. The acting was good, but the show started to come off the rails, technically, toward the end of the performance. The scene changes got really bogged down. I’m going to offer my technical services as well. Also, my wife wants to be involved on the tech side as well, so that’s pretty cool too.