I’m still crazy. Just throwing that out there. Completely irrational sometimes.
For the record, this bit of crazy, though certainly related to my addiction, has neither caused me to relapse nor put me in any immediate danger or relapse (i.e., I have not purchased or in any way acquired any drugs or paraphernalia nor have any intention to nor been shopping on the dark web nor any of that jazz).
My addict brain is just too much sometimes. You saw what it did to me last time… the ultimate in self-sabotage. I think it’s trying to do it again, in an even more fantastic and convoluted way. It doesn’t care if it takes six months (or longer!) to take me out.
The good news is, with every day that passes, the healthy part of me gets stronger and becomes more likely to stop the madness before it goes to far. The bad news is, if the madness does “go to far”, it will blow up my life to a new order of magnitude (homelessness, unemployment, death).
The race is on. Stay clean or die trying.