Invited Back

For some reason, I feel like I’ve shared about this already, but I can’t find anything, so I’ll share (again?) now.

I’ve been invited back to my old sober house for a game night after a meeting on Saturday night. Given what I did (hiding meth there for 2.5 weeks), that’s kind of a big deal. It helps that I’ve remained on good terms with the house manager there (and that I have finally stayed clean for longer than 2 months). I guess it just goes to show that time does start to heal wounds.

It’ll be good to see and interact with everyone again. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to see that things are, slowly, moving in the right direction for me, with respect to my recovery. Of course, not all of the bridges that I burned have been mended at this point. Ironically, the one person from my pre-relapse live that I want to speak with more than anyone else, is the one person that I’m still completely cut off from. I have no idea how long that will take to fix (or if a fix is even possible). I can only put my best foot forward. I’m sure news of my continued recovery will slowly filter back to her.

I expect I’ll see, but not speak with, her at the meeting beforehand. Maybe, I can flash her my nails and she’ll get what they’re supposed to represent.

God. I just had a wave of depression crash over me. J texted me a little while ago (after the depression hit). He suggested I do a little writing assignment detailing why relapse is simply not an option for me. It’s a good idea. Right now, though, I’m in one of my moods where I believe relapse is inevitable. Again, I don’t believe I’m in any imminent danger, but I just don’t see me staying clean indefinitely. I know this feeling will change. Part of it probably has to do with me feeling a bit under the weather right now. Still…

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