Within the last 24 hours, I’ve had two friends from rehab this summer, both relapsing and in bad shape, reach out to me for help. I was able to help one financially, a little at least, and the other I was on the phone with for a little over 15 minutes as she was getting ready to go back into treatment.
Either event by itself would have been tough. Both, coming one on top of the other, left me emotionally and mentally exhausted. Of course, my dysfunctional response was “don’t eat”. I have just had my first truly zero calorie day in quite a while. I even tried to eat. I went to a restaurant with a friend, ordered a salad (safe!), and stared at it.
I have basically given up for the day, as far as food goes. Tomorrow is another day and will probably go better, in terms of eating. It certainly can’t be any worse.
I also made a couple of decisions today that may not have been the greatest in terms of my sobriety. I’m still clean, but I need to make sure I’m more careful as I continue down this path. My head is not in the greatest space right now and, while I’m not getting ready to go and cop, I also need to make sure I don’t put myself in any unsafe situations.