I think I made it through the day. I successfully made it into the center of town for my EDA meeting and back out again to Tabor Space for the Refuge Recovery meeting that starts in 15 minutes. I was super early for RR but the alternative was slowly making my way here and trying not to cop in the process. So, I’m giving myself some credit for doing the right thing.
I’m considering coming clean at this meeting about the stuff I told J and S on Tuesday. I’m running out of energy. Not eating enough, coupled with battling the on-again, off-again using urges I’ve been having, has left me wiped out. I guess sharing will add yet more accountability and further aid in preventing a relapse (or, perhaps, tear me apart further and precipitate a relapse more quickly). Probably not that second thing though.
[Ran out of time before the meeting. I’m home now.]
I shared, some. I didn’t get to explicit, but did say that my anorexia is kicking my ass, fucking with my cognition and making me prone to relapse on drugs.
I also shared the darkness in my head with another close RR friend who gave me a lift home after the meeting. More accountability, right?