I just hope I didn’t pick up bad habits while in sober living for the last 8 months. I am definitely on my best behavior and working to put my best foot forward in my new place. One thing I’ll have to relearn: most people don’t stay up until midnight on work nights. Both of my new housemates were in the rooms and done by 9/9.30pm. I had just started putting together my chair at that point. One of them, very nicely, asked me to wait until the morning. I immediately stopped (and, of course, shamed myself for it). I really want to do right by these people. I intend to bend over backwards to do the wise thing by them. I guess my first lesson is to start going to bed at a reasonable hour. I’ll probably just start getting up earlier then and it will all work out.
I’m still stressing about eating. I have no access to any scale. That was long overdue. I had a modest breakfast, no lunch, then a couple donuts (purged a bit). This evening, I ate some leftover sausage/bacon from breakfast. I should have left it at that. I just came back down and made a sandwich too. Even though I know I haven’t eaten enough today (and am actually still hungry), I expect to purge when I go back in after my cigarette.
My pleasant surprise of the day occurred after my EDA meeting. I decided to send N a quick text. I don’t think we’ve spoken in about two months and I wanted to let her know how I was doing (better) and that I had moved out of sober living. Up to this point, she had never responded to any communication of mine since that fucked up scene back at the start of March. I honestly believed she had me blocked and that my message would disappear, never to be seen again. To my surprise, she texted back a few moments later. She seemed ok but stated that things were getting “weird” again. I really don’t know what she meant by that. Anyway, I laid down the welcome mat and told her she could visit whenever she would like. Maybe, a visit away from the prying eyes of SLO/Blvd might make her more comfortable? I don’t know. It was just nice to get a response. Who knows… maybe we will, someday, be able to sit down and have a real conversation like we used to be able to. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m definitely not getting my hopes up. It’ll either happen or it won’t. I made the offer and it is now out of my control.