Go, Go, Go

I’m tired so this will be brief. It seems that, if I am constantly in motion (preferably helping others), that I generally feel decent and don’t want to use. Conversely, whenever I slow down, I am racked with negative self-talk and get to the point that I don’t see myself avoiding a relapse. On that […]

Bad Day (TW – Death)

This morning, one of my close friends from my first sober house was found dead. There’s been some information to indicate that it was a suicide (as opposed to an overdose… not that that makes much difference). I’m at the treatment center that kicked me out right before my relapse/overdose 5 months ago. It’s the […]

Quick Update

So, I had an EDA friend help me do up a meal plan on Sunday. I’ve been eating (mostly) to that since the beginning of the week (only purged once). I also have an appointment with a Buddhist nutritionist/dietitian on the 6th. Today, my head was spinning so badly that I was planning on stealing […]

Triggered AF

OMG! I am tremendously triggered at the moment. The day started off ok and I actually did something fairly proactive with respect to protecting myself against a future relapse, which is fantastic. Unfortunately, I think that put the thought in my head and it has been spinning out of control ever since. I mentioned it […]

Everything is a Trigger (TW – Drugs)

Seriously. I posted a week and a half ago about having my best day since I arrived in Portland and still wanting to use as I got ready to go to bed. I was on something of an emotional roller coaster today. It ended really well, at a concert in the park with two really […]

Fail

I just purged. I’ve been eating all day and hating it, hating myself and I acted out. Now, I’m going to meet my friends from EDA for a concert in Sellwood Park. I feel it’s a little like going to an AA meeting, drunk. One of my friends just got there. I’ll talk to here. […]

Ups and Downs

I have officially thrown in the towel on my eating disorder. I’m done. I’m finally acknowledging that I am powerless over it and my life has become unmanageable. I sent out e-mails today to therapists/dietitians/nutritionists. I’m just going to pay out of pocket. I can afford it and I know I desperately need professional help. […]