I Always Feel Like I’m About to be Fired

I’m early for my meeting with my bankruptcy trustee. It’s stressing me out somewhat. Plus, I just got a Skype from my boss that he wants to talk later. I always imagine it’s because I’m about to be let go.

It’s fairly irrational. Being let go would be coming completely out of left field. I have been fired exactly once my entire life. It was deserved (addiction related) and telegraphed months in advance. Yet, that is where my mind goes. It sucks. It makes me feel icky.

I’m just dealing with a lot of stress, in general, right now. It’s no wonder I am having so much trouble eating and having to deal with these intense urges to use. Honestly, I want to run right now. I’m not going to (at least, I really intend not to), but a big part of my not-all-that-healthy mind wants to hop a flight to NC, move in with Erica and just begin the final countdown.

I am future tripping. I am splitting. I am engaged in black and white thinking. I have transient paranoia. How do I stop this? I’m going to check out some DBT stuff and/or meditate.

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