WTF is Wrong with Me?

I have a great wife, great friends, a great job, a great home, etc. I probably just had the best day I’ve had since I moved to Portland. After close to 18 months of chronically relapsing, I’m finally starting to put my life back together.

And all I want to do right now is fucking shoot heroin.

I could get some too. It wouldn’t be difficult. I could probably get away with it too… at least, for a little while.

It would blow up on me in the end, though. I know that. It always does. I would lose everything I’ve managed to put together in the last several months. Those are all facts. So, why? Why am I still giving serious consideration to getting high. It’s, literally, crazy. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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