Problems at Home

One of the stressors that has led to my recent struggles with substances has been difficulty with one of my roommates (B). He is generally a very good guy but he has had difficulty holding up his end of the bargain with respect to the living arrangements. This has been making my other roommate (A) stressed af (and is starting to negatively impact me, as well). There was evidently some weirdness regarding personal space too, but that occurred before I moved in.

Yesterday, after days/weeks of deliberating A, with my support, decided it was time to ask him to move out. We sat down with him yesterday evening and did exactly that. It was an absolutely miserable experience for me and A and I’m certain it wasn’t very fun for B either.

Now, we’re not forcing him out the door this instant. He has about 45 days, in fact, but that could wind up being a very long 45 days. Since we spoke with him, I don’t think he has said two words to either of us (and there has been some intermittent door slamming).

I obviously don’t know what he’s feeling and he certainly deserves as much time as he needs to process everything but the atmosphere in the house could currently be described, charitably, as ‘tense’. I’m doing my best to talk to him and remain cordial but it gets difficult when I’m met with scowls and silence. I will continue to do my best, though.

On a personal note, I have not used as a result of the discomfort I’ve been experiencing. That’s obviously been a challenge since my friend passed away. I think coming to the realization that I mentioned in my previous post has helped a great deal in that regard.

And, of course, because of my own set of issues, I feel tremendous guilt about the whole thing. I came in after him, have been struggling somewhat (though I seem to be at the beginning of putting that behind me) and, as a rule of thumb, just tend to blame myself for anything I can anyway. I really do feel pretty awful at the moment (but I’m not using!).

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