Back to Therapy

I’ve been offline the last week or so, trying to take care of shit (unsuccessfully). So, I’m enroute to a consultation with a therapist who will hopefully be a good fit for me to start seeing on a regular basis. I still don’t have insurance, so this is my attempt to stay alive for the next 4 months. At that point, I’ll have insurance again and can actually get the higher level of care that I need.

I know I’ve made mention of using kratom, primarily to keep my urges to use heroin at bay, which started the day after I found out that Fox passed away. I hate that I’m using it at all. Given that, I tried to stop a week ago.

Well, it appears that I’ve managed to get myself physically addicted to the stuff. I missed work on Thursday and Friday last week because I wound up having to deal with withdrawals. Not surprisingly, they were eerily similar to heroin withdrawals, though not nearly as bad. So… fuck…

Saturday night, I used some more and started to reach out to therapists that specialize in handling borderline personality disorder. I heard back on Monday and dumped a shit ton of background on this woman (somewhat frightened I’d scare her away). I didn’t.

For once, I’m going to try to not be a lying, manipulative cunt to my therapist. Granted, a lot of that is my default setting but I’m going to work very hard to not be that way this time. I’m basically going to tell her everything… everything. And explain to her that I’m scared I’m not going to make it to the end of the year without her help. We’ll see what happens…

3 thoughts on “Back to Therapy

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