So, What Has Changed?

Nine months ago, I was at an AirBnB with my then BFF, getting high (heroin). Tonight, I am at an AirBnB with my now BFF, and am high (kratom, weed, maybe some MDMA tomorrow or the next day). I want to hope, a lot has changed. I really do want to know what’s changed. Some […]

Through the Looking Glass

In less than 24 hours, I have had my idea of what my recovery should look like turned completely upside down. Yesterday, after the highly emotional conversation with my roommate, new ground rules were established that allowed and, to a certain extent (in the name of harm reduction), encouraged the use of certain substances in […]


I’ve been using kratom, on and off, for about 2 months now, to keep my heroin urges at bay and reduce my suicidal ideation. It’s been working but keeping it from my roommate has been eating me up inside. So, today I made my confession. I spoke to my therapist first. She told me to […]

Status Update

[I’ve been journaling with pen and paper much more recently and the blog has dropped off a bit. I feel like I should do a quick update.] So, my wife did not move in with me. She went back and decided that most of the kerfuffle at the ashram was a result of her PTSD […]

Life Insurance

I am ‘high risk’ when it comes to life insurance. I know it will cost me, if I can get it at all. I also know my odds aren’t great. I figure, at best, I have a 95% chance of living the next 12 months. That sounds like a relatively high number but the actual […]

Back Together with the Wife

Monday night, I got a call from my wife saying there was a problem at the ashram and she no longer felt secure there. Less than two days later, she was (and still is) in my house. She’s most likely going to make the move permanent but it was sudden and unexpected and has thrown […]

Still Feeling a Bit Nuts…

… but at least I have people that I’m talking about it with. Besides the medical professionals that are helping me with my situation, I’ve also started leaning on a friend, M, here in town who is also an eating disordered, recovering heroin addict. She was instrumental in convincing me that the dangers of going […]